Take back YOUR life!
By Dawna de la Fuente
As inherent nurturers and caretakers, women can get overwhelmed with multi-tasking to the max. Kids, spouse, career, finances, school, health, and aging parents, difficult circumstances; we can easily get buried under a surplus of demands. We need to be reminded to take care of ourselves, not to mention to keep our dreams alive.
One woman I helped had basically had the same wardrobe since 15 years ago. She got stuck in time at that painful event- her divorce. She was stuck in a rut not only in her dressing but in her finances. She convinced herself that since her divorce, things were just the way they were. She didn’t realize she had clothes that needed repair and cleaning or to plain be tossed out! The pain from the divorce bled into her appearance and finances and she felt alone and lost. She believed she didn’t have the money to begin to shift her old wardrobe to a new wardrobe or her old life into a new life. These 5 steps helped her shift out of a rut.
Here are 5 steps to start:
1.Love Yourself in Thoughts & Action
What are you thinking? Begin to assess your thought patterns. If you realize your thought patterns are full of negativity, PLEASE take action to change that because as we think, we are. Some need professional help to work through any abuse/trauma that caused the negative thoughts in the first place. If there was abuse as a child or constant degradation, then that same record will be playing in the adult mind wreaking havoc in life until the cycle is broken and it’s replaced with the opposite thought. This goes for addressing beliefs as well. If the tape that’s playing in your heart is, “I’m worthless” then you will attract being treated as such.
After addressing the thoughts and beliefs, take a step to address any health needs. For some it may mean, changing eating habits, sedentary behavior, or going to the dentist after years! For others, it might mean getting a check-up at the doctor. For some, it might mean getting a manicure or some eyelash extensions. LOL.
Build an atmosphere of beauty around you. As Dr. Jeremy Lopez of Identity Network describes, your atmosphere speaks back to you. Is everything around you broken down and falling apart? Maybe your fence, yard, kitchen, car? Maybe your clothes are worn and falling apart. Then those things are screaming at you, “Lack, ugliness, depression.” Taking care of your atmosphere is very important. It speaks to loving yourself and taking care of yourself. Surround yourself with inspirational, beautiful things. Clean and organized goes a long way too. And guess what? If you take care of yourself and your atmosphere, you will attract others treating you well.
Loving yourself may mean taking a long needed vacation, visiting friends or family, or just having some ‘me’ time.
2. Set Healthy Boundaries
Learn how to say “no”. Saying “no” can be one of the most powerful but hardest things to do to take back your life. Stop putting up with manipulative and controlling behavior. The best course of action is to set a strong boundary and enforce it with an impactful consequence. Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend’s book, Boundaries, is a good go-to book on this topic that addresses a life out of control, people taking advantage of us, being disappointed with God because of unanswered prayers and difficulties in saying no.
Stop putting up with behavior that’s disrespectful. If it’s your child, a great resource is the Love and Logic series. It’s dedicated to making parenting fun and rewarding, instead of stressful and chaotic. They provide practical tools and techniques that help adults achieve respectful, healthy relationships with their children.
3. Turn Resentment into Reward- Speak up!
One of my clients had a real problem with resentment towards her family. I told her to begin noticing her thought patterns at those times. She told me the story that one day she wasn’t feeling well but was trudging through washing the pots and the pans. She began to notice her thoughts and they weren’t pretty. “I’m alone in this.” Nobody cares about the house.” “Nobody cares to help me.” The resentment was building and building. She ended up finishing the pots and pans but was mad at her family for the rest of day and they didn’t even know why. I asked her why she didn’t just speak up and say she didn’t feel well and ask for help? Hahaha! The reward is easy as pie. If you don’t speak up and ask for help, help won’t manifest. If you do, then hopefully you will be rewarded with what you are asking for avoiding resentment which can quickly turn into bitterness.
4. Follow Your Dream
God created you for a purpose. He put a dream and passion inside of you because He wants you to fulfill it. If you are not at least pursuing your dream, there’s a good chance you are not living life to the fullest. Even if it’s a baby step, take it. It might mean enrolling in a college class, getting that website up, getting that real estate license, or starting that book. A small step everyday can amount to big results over time. For example, if you are wanting to write a book, begin writing 20 minutes a day or even 10! Over time you will begin to accomplish much and begin to feel incredible fullfillment.
5. Be Creative
The last step to take back your life is simple but profound: In a nutshell, be creative! Dictionary.com defines creativity as the ability to transcend traditional ideas, rules, patterns, relationships, or the like, and to create meaningful new ideas, forms, methods, interpretations; originality, progressiveness, or imagination. When we get overwhelmed and feel lost, it will take some creativity to come out of it. This means thinking outside the box and taking the limitations off. As Emily Dickinson puts it, “Dwell in possibility.”
Did you know creativity creates energy within you which helps to fuel passion? One of my passions is fashion design. After I’ve spent a day in a fabric store looking at colors and textures and done a round of designing on my dress form, I am totally pumped which actually inspires me to keep chasing my passion.
Do at least one creative thing every day. This will bring you joy and inspiration which will bleed into other areas of your life like relationships, finances, and even difficult circumstances making them more bearable. If you love numbers or accounting, then get to number crunching. If you love interior decorating then get some projects going. If you love public speaking, then join a Toastmasters.
Do you feel like you’ve lost yourself, dredging your way through the day? Are you waiting to live your dreams?
If you have a burning desire to begin to take back your life but feel you need help to do it, I’m the coach for you.
Contact me for a free consultation!